Fletcher, Canzone, Both or Neither?

Many years ago, there was a bar in Columbus, Ohio. It’s since been closed and razed after its owner, a serially corrupt lobbyist who later served time for his role in “a food service bribery scheme,” went to jail for owing some $300,000 in back taxes. When I was a young man, my friends and I would descend on this bar once a week in order to wreck house at pub trivia under our collective nom de guerre: Gorilla Bizkit.

One of the recurring theme rounds for this trivia game was called “Paxton or Pullman?” The host would give the title of a movie, and each team would have to say whether the film featured Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman, both, or neither. I remember Paxton-Pullman confusion being a minor internet meme back in humanity’s digital golden age, when we — green and callow as a budding flower — saw fit to spend our days determining whether a hot dog was a sandwich. (Among other questions of great teleological import.)

The joking-not-joking confusion of two men with similar names and similar jobs is a comedy gold mine. Consider the classic Saturday Night Live sketch “Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney?”

Two years ago, I was in the Arizona Diamondbacks’ clubhouse looking for Corbin Carroll, a small, dark-haired, left-handed-hitting outfielder playing his first full season in the majors. I eventually found him, but not before I bumped into Dominic Fletcher, another rookie who fit all the above descriptors.

Over the weekend, I was poking around the site when I saw Fletcher listed on a leaderboard with the 2024 rookie class. “That’s odd,” I thought. “I could’ve sworn he played like half the 2023 season.”

Kind of. The Diamondbacks actually called up two dark-haired, left-handed-hitting rookie outfielders named Dominic in 2023, and between them they put together 284 plate appearances that year. But more than half of that playing time went to Dominic Canzone, who’s a totally different guy.

Now, don’t worry. I know Dominic Fletcher and Dominic Canzone are different guys. The problem is that I have trouble keeping them straight in my head. Last year, more than 1,400 players appeared in the major leagues. Then there are thousands more minor leaguers, retired players, college players, and so on who have to rattle around in this noggin of mine, along with essential information for my own life. (Did I feed the cat? Did I lock my keys in the car again?)

So one takes mental shortcuts. Normally, a first name, a position, a batting side, a team, a debut season, and a broad physical description are good enough. I have absolutely no problem keeping the Luis Garcias straight, for example. But not here. I can’t even separate the Dominics easily by age; they were born just 16 days apart in 1997.

But this confusion has gone on too long. It’s time to solve it, once and for all, with a trivia game. I’ll list a series of attributes that fit either one Dominic, both, or neither. Just like Paxton or Pullman.

Question No. 1: I was drafted by the Diamondbacks in 2019 from a college whose baseball uniforms have some shade of red as a primary color. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Both! Fletcher was drafted 75th overall out of Arkansas (cardinal and white), and Canzone went in the eighth round, 242nd overall, out of Ohio State (scarlet and gray). Speaking of stuff that’s just floating around in my head forever, Canzone faced off against Ben from Love Is Blind on several occasions in Big Ten play. I say this having attended not one but two universities that are extremely precious about what shade of red they are: Let’s take it down a notch. It’s red. You can call it red.

Question No. 2: I have a beard, and while my hair isn’t especially long, there’s enough of it to be described as “flow” or “lettuce.” Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Fletcher. Totally irrelevant in a baseball context, and this could obviously change in a moment. But vitally important just from a standpoint of telling these two guys apart.

Question No. 3: As a short fourth-outfielder type, you would think I can run. So I’ve posted either above-average sprint speed or multiple stolen bases in either of my seasons in the majors. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Neither! Looks can be deceiving. You’d think these guys could scoot, but no. Fletcher is 0-for-2 in his career on stolen base attempts, and his little legs can only carry him to a sprint speed of 26.4 fps, according to Baseball Savant. Canzone is 2-for-2, on one attempt per season, with a sprint speed of 27.1 fps last season. That’s only good enough for the 42nd percentile.

Question No. 4: I was traded from Arizona to the White Sox last February for pitcher Cristian Mena. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Fletcher. Finally, we’ve got some separation. Canzone left Arizona at the 2023 trade deadline in what turned out to be a pretty consequential trade: Canzone, Josh Rojas, and Ryan Bliss to the Mariners for Paul Sewald. The Mariners got a starting third baseman, while the Diamondbacks got the closer who pitched an unheralded bullpen all the way to the World Series.

Question No. 5: You’ve been referring to both of us as “short,” but I’m 5-foot-11, which is above average for an American man. That’s close enough to 6-foot that it gets rounded up on most guys’ online dating profiles. That’s downright tall in certain parts of the country. Stop looping me in with a guy who’s 5-foot-6. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Canzone. I apologize. At 5-foot-6, Fletcher was in a six-way tie for the shortest player in the majors last season. But 5-foot-11 is… I wouldn’t call it tall — definitely not in a professional baseball context — but it’s Not That Short.

Question No. 6: Neither of us have been that good offensively over the past two seasons, but I have at least a little power — 14 home runs in 370 career plate appearances, for an ISO of .182 — and a more-or-less respectable career wRC+ of 84. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Canzone. An 84 wRC+ is 5-foot-11 for hitters. Fletcher is a career .234/.281/.310 hitter, which is a wRC+ of 63. That’s, well, closer to 5-foot-6, metaphorically speaking.

Question No. 7: Josh Rojas came up a couple questions ago. Irrespective of whether we were ever in the same trade, Rojas and I play together now. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Fletcher. Rojas signed with the White Sox in January, and at the time Fletcher was penciled in as a potential starting outfielder. Since then, Chicago has brought in Joey Gallo, Michael A. Taylor, and Brandon Drury. All of that’s kicked Fletcher down the presumptive depth chart a few spots. But the one thing all three of those players have in common is that they’re not as good as they were a few years ago. (I’ll concede I had not realized how bad Drury was for the Angels last year: .169/.242/.228, which is -2.1 WAR in just 97 games played.)

Suffice it to say there’s a path to regular playing time for Fletcher. Makes me want to ask Rojas if he can tell the Dominics apart, since he’s played with both of them on multiple teams now.

Question No. 8: My first major league home run was off Spencer Strider. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Canzone. Even though he’s out-homered Fletcher 14-3, Canzone’s book, as it were, is not that long. But there are a few good names in there: Justin Verlander, Marcus Stroman, Erick Fedde, Chris Bassitt, in addition to Strider.

Question No. 9: I have a relatively upright batting stance. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Canzone, but this is a fairly new development. Here’s Fletcher, who has a crouch and a flat bat, and every other attribute you’d expect from a short guy’s batting stance.

In 2023, Canzone also hit from a pretty deep crouch, with his front foot way open, like if you were in the process of taking Jeff Bagwell out of your suitcase and unfolding him.

Last year, Canzone straightened it up.

Canzone almost doubled his walk rate from 2023 to 2024, but he’s not really hitting the ball any harder. His GB/FB ratio stayed about the same, and his strikeout rate increased by almost half in 2024, while his batting average dropped 24 points. Canzone might be getting unlucky; he’s suffered from moderate underperformance of his expected stats (xwOBA, and so on), and his career BABIP is just .234. Which is so low I thought it was an error at first; among active position players with 300 or more career plate appearances, that’s sixth from the bottom.

One last question.

Question No. 10: As if it weren’t confusing enough that the Diamondbacks brought up Carroll and the two Dominics in rapid succession, I’m a (looks sidelong at Dominic Canzone) relatively short left-handed-hitting outfielder who’s one letter away from sharing a name with a professional hockey player. Am I Fletcher, Canzone, both, or neither?

Answer: Neither! That’s Alek Thomas, who was also part of that 2023 Diamondbacks outfield, and while I never got him mixed up with his teammates, I did have to make a conscious effort to stop calling him Akil Thomas, who’s a center in the Los Angeles Kings’ system. There’s no rest for the weary.